he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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