Say something about gay babies.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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