I wish I only lived at night.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
