I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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