420 ftw
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
