Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
