I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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