someone threw a dead crab at me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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