I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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