and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
