I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
