So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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