my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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