Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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