My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
