You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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