its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
