just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
