Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
