Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
