Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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