i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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