Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
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i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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