Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize