What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
