It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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