6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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