i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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