I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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