So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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