She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found the puke drawer
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
