shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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