her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
