you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
