It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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