Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
