some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
