i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
