You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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