At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
