When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
