Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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