So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
