im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
