just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
