Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
