I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
