I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
