just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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