If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
