Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
