you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
