she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
