White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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