I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
