I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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