Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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