and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
