and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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