ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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