my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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