Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
